Abuse survivor. Documenting my struggles. Abuseandme.wordpress.com
I don’t mean to sound rude but my illness is mental not physical, so I’m not sure what you expect to see. Some days I’m a total mess but there the days when i hide away. I don’t have a cast or pins or bandages, but if you look inside my mind you would see that things are not all that well. I will get better in time but for now please remember that just because i look fine and we’ll doesn’t mean i am
Look how thin I use to be! Now I’m just some horrible fat mess. I would do anything to go back to this size. I want to lose weight but I need help. I was referred to the eating disorder services but they said they only help people who are under weight. Just wish I could control the bingeing and be able to go outside without fear that someone will hurt me or something bad will happen so I could exercise. I don’t go out at all anymore unless it’s with mum to go to an appointment. Plus don’t want people to see how fat I’ve gotten. I hate myself so much and no one can hate me as much as I hate my body. I would to be able to feel my bones and be light and weightless but that’s never going to happen.
When I was in hospital a month ago the constant said I should speak to my gp about having weight loss surgery. That’s fair enough but it’s not going to help the mental and emotional side of things. It’s not just the bingeing and being overweight it’s so much more than that. It’s only being able to eat of plastic plates, not being able to eat food cooked by other people, having a certain knife fork and spoon that only I use, taking hundreds of laxatives and diet pills everyday, purging, not being able to eat before 10 in the morning, wrapping clean film round my stomach at night to help me lose weight, eating tissue soaked in water to make my stomach feel full, only being able to drink a small glass of water for taking tablets, staving myself for days before then going on a 3 day binge ect ect ect.
I can’t keep doing this, it’s killing me. Why won’t anyone help, you can have an eating disorder and any size and any age.
I feel so disgusting and vile. Why can’t I go back to this day when I was happy. I started bingeing when I was 6. No wonder I’m so fat!!!!
i promise you won’t feel this way forever. keep going
try pinging an elastic band on your wrist
mental illness is not weakness.
mental illnesses are diseases, just like cancer.
they can be treated and helped but only if people understand.
mental illnesses are no ones fault.
in order to help we have to rid mental illnesses of the stigma.
only than can we help.
Anxiety isn’t cute. OCD isn’t quirky. Anorexia isn’t sexy. Depressed people aren’t “angels that want to go home” . hallucinations are terrifying, not beautiful. Mental illnesses are not romantic.
I just wanted everyone to see how scary having an eating disorder is, especially coming from someone who struggled with it for several years.
This made me cry…
My mom suffered from bulimia most of her life. My junior year of high school she was hospitalized because it got so bad. She weighed 103 at 5'6. She never explained to my sister and I, at how bad it was until they made her inpatient. She just said she’s going to a place where “she can get help”. She’s also a recovering addict so I assumed it was that. I didn’t see her for 2 months and we would visit every weekend when she was there. I still remember the day we all sat on the grass in front on a blanket and she finally told us why she was there. I was 17. Now I am 23 and years later I had a college course on nutrition. I watched a video of women struggling to keep weight on and having various eating disorders. I couldn’t sit through the movie because it hurt so bad to watch them struggle. I’m reblogging this because it isn’t always the person with the eating disorder that suffers. She hasn’t purged since 2008. I just want you all to know you can get through this and love yourself. Please know you’re worth so much more than you think you are. I swear and I promise, you will get through this. Don’t give up!
I had been bullied into an eating disorder to the point that I was in a hospital with a feeding tube down my throat. Watch out what you tell people guys because of my eating disorder I have a lot of stomach and digestion problems and can barely eat now whether I want to or not. It’s terrifying, but for those fighting one now don’t give up, things get better
This post gets better each time I check it
I was hospitalized over a year ago after being diagnosed with anorexia. Today I thought about letting myself relapse because I felt like no one else understood what it was like for someone battling an eating disorder… I thought only people with eating disorders understood. That comment, coming from the girl whose mother had bulimia, just changing my plans. Thank you. 507 days free from Ana.
This is so powerful
This is what an eating disorder is. It’s a bitch.
Something I posted on insta a few days ago. This is kinda how I’m feeling and what’s going on. Going to try and post on here more often.
narla13
I had my first run today around my nannies large garden and I loved it. Have almost perfected my recall for now as going to mummy every time she calls my name. I have also started to eat better today which is a sign I am happier to be in my new home.
